The names have not been changed to protect the innocent — I can barely remember their real names some days. None of this is fiction.
It began like any other night. Playing, reading, dinner, more playing and reading. Then it was time for baths. We go back and forth bathing the kids separately and together. That fateful night, we decide to bathe them together.
I start undressing one 2-year-old while my husband runs to the basement to get clean towels. I take my eyes off the other 2-year-old for about 15 seconds. That’s when I don’t hear her. All I hear is splashing. She’s playing in the toilet.
Grossed out, I run to her and get her hands out of the bowl, every germ sensor in my body pinging. As I get her away, her brother takes the opportunity to see what the hullabaloo is about and splashes in the potty, too. Yelch.
We get them cleaned up and stripped down to their diapers; the water is running in the tub. I get the girl’s diaper off and get her into the tub. I start taking the boy’s diaper off only to find a stealth poop explosion. How did he sneak that past all of us? Especially in a confined space like the bathroom?
I get him cleaned up and into the tub when I notice dark things floating in the water. Thinking it’s poop crumbs, we take the kids out and begin to drain the water. Then we realized it was just sand from earlier play in the sandbox, to our relief.
Speaking of relief, this is about the time our girl decides to pee on the rug. Naturally.
Back into the tub they go.
We’re all playing and having a nice time. It is such a good time, the boy wants to give me some water from the cup we use to rinse their hair. A lot of it. I get soaked and a river of water trickles across the bathroom floor. Bonus here because the floor got clean. Note to self: That little boy is fast!
Back to the task at hand, we start washing and rinsing. Apparently at age 2, bathwater is considered a delicacy in their little minds. It’s delicious. So, the girl starts drinking it. A gulp goes down the wrong pipe and she begins coughing. She coughs so hard she throws up in the tub. Of course.
That’s when we literally and figuratively threw in the towel and started looking for hidden cameras in the bathroom. This had to be a joke, right? This all couldn’t possibly happen to one family in 20 minutes.
But it did. Lucky us.
– Rebecca Calappi is a Publications Coordinator at Beaumont Health System and adoptive parent of multiples