Kids say the darndest things

stick drawing of people

Sometimes, it’s not what they say. It’s what they write.

One of my favorite things about parenting is the funny stuff my kids say. They’re turning 5 soon, so they’re philosophers, observers and parrots. Oh, and they’re opinionated. Very opinionated.

One kid won’t eat certain things “because it’s not my favorite.” As if that’s a good reason. Another doesn’t want to help fold laundry “because it’s not fun.”

Believe me, I’m not here for the carrots and dirty clothes either, kids.

Just the other day, we were listening to Christmas music when my daughter heard the lyric, “Oh ho, the mistletoe hung where you can see … ” Then she says, “I think my mistletoe is my baby toe, right, Mom?”

Yep. It sure is.

Sometimes it’s tough keeping a straight face and not laughing. It’s a delicate thing, a preschooler’s ego. It’s also hard when you want to correct them so badly, but it wouldn’t do any good. Just recently a kid told me, “I don’t have to wipe my butt, Mom, cuz I only pooped a little.”

I know that’s a teaching moment — that also goes back to me doing laundry — but it was said so emphatically I just let it go. Have an itchy butt, that’ll teach you.

My little observers are also noticing that people don’t all look alike. This happened at a restaurant where the server happened to be black. My kid said, “Mom, the waitress is chocolaty.” Then we had a conversation about how all people are different colors, just like flowers in the garden. We all put our hands on the table and noticed that just in our four-person family all the skin colors are different. Thankfully, the server didn’t seem to be offended.

Then there was the time I forgot to paint my daughter’s nails. She looked at me deadpan and said, “You’re fired.”

It’s the comic relief we need as parents to make it through the day, like when my kid declared at Christmas Eve dinner, “Papa, did you know boys have penises, but girls don’t?”

I’ve never seen my dad take more interest in his plate while the rest of us suddenly started choking and needed to hide behind our cloth napkins.

It’s fun. It keeps me sane. I’m looking forward to the next pearl of wisdom from these two.

What’s the funniest thing your kid has said?

– Rebecca Calappi is a publications coordinator at Beaumont Health and adoptive parent of multiples.

1 Response to “Kids say the darndest things”


  1. 1 Anonymous December 22, 2016 at 11:58 am

    Nailed it! Too cute…”You’re fired.”


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