It took only three weeks to go from “waiting to be chosen” to “Holy crap, I’m a mom!”
Our birthmom was decisive. She saw our profile, asked to meet us, and made the most agonizingly wonderful decision of her life. And mine.
The kids were due in mid-January. We met birthmom at a local mall for our first interview with her. About a week later, we got word through our agency that she chose us and would like to meet with us more. So we went to her house, which was about 3 miles from ours.
A week after that meeting, on Dec. 13, my cell rang. It was birthmom and it was baby time.
Just like that — with one phone call — I became the mom to two tiny babies.
My husband and I were in the delivery room for the birth, so we were there for their first breath. We were the emergency contact for the kids should something happen in the middle of the night. We were at the hospital from 7 a.m. until 10 p.m. every day for a week just holding, changing and feeding those two.
We also spent time with birthmom. Just me and her. She told me about her family and her life. She shared motherly advice with me, which I absorbed. She never said it outright, but she wanted us to know every possible thing about her, so we could answer as many questions as we could when the twins started asking. I was very grateful.
There are no words that describe what it’s like to be an adoptive parent. If you’re lucky like we were, you try and please the birthmom to no end, while staying within the rules. You walk on eggshells because you don’t want her to take those babies from you, but you know full well that in giving them to you she’s giving her heart to strangers. The thought of that is more than anyone should have to bear.
You’re terrified of letting this wonderful birthmom down. She chose you for a reason, several in fact, so you better not drop the ball.
You’re excited that you not only got one baby to love, but you also got another. A bonus baby. More love, less sleep. Totally worth it.
It’s all those things and so many more that I can’t put into words.
One of the hardest, most beautiful things I’ve ever witnessed was watching our birthmom drive away. Three days after the kids were born, she was discharged. We walked her down to her caseworker’s car. She was so confident in us. She kept telling us how great we were going to be and how proud of us she was.
Can you imagine that? She was proud of us.
We stayed in touch with our birthmom for the first year or so. We had her over a few times and even had a barbecue with our caseworker. That’s typical. Many birthmoms follow the family closely for the first year, then when they’re comfortable in their decision, they begin to let go. But they never forget.
Neither will I.
– Rebecca Calappi is a Publications Coordinator at Beaumont Health and adoptive parent of multiples.